@capollonia
I did get it to work. It was a long involved process and not for the faint of heart. It is too complex to explain in a way you could could simply copy some code.
It involves writing a landing page for logins, a registration page for registering, a backend module for getting the registration info and processing it, a backend javascript library for encrypting the registration data to be sent in the verification email, a backend node module for adding the ability to send an email, a router page for getting the registration data sent by the link in the email, then code in that validation page to finally register the user.
In addition, I implemented a private members database to store contact data and other data for each user in order to be able to access that data by code. It also allows me to determine if someone who is already a member is trying to register again.
Also added a whitelist of email addresses so I can pre-approve people. Also have a database of user emails from a previous site to use in a similar way, to allow them to register without waiting for someone to go let them in.